“What’s The Point of Doing ‘X’? You’re Going To Die Anyway”

My life has become a rollercoaster of emotions which vary every day with my family member’s diagnosis.

I took yesterday off from posting my Sunday blog to process what happened Saturday night and take care of myself by taking time for myself exclusively and going to the gym.

This weekend (specifically Saturday night) was a  shit show (for lack of a better term), taking charge of imminent care for two family members, dealing with two separate ambulances while navigating a stressful family member who tried to step in the way of them doing their job. This was a demonstration of how things can quickly escalate from moment to moment (not mention the stressful influence and presence of this other family member around me who should be deescalating this family stress, not exasperating it).

“What’s the point of doing ‘x’? You’re going to die anyway” was my terminally ill family member’s favorite thing to say when he was healthier. He saw purpose in only working, making money and investing in things that he believed will bring him passive income in the future.

My family member suffers from extreme itch. He’s tried everything - from lotions to potions. Sometimes life has an interesting way of making a full circle. The only remedy now? Distraction. He’s too weak to work (and find enjoyment from it). Now he is now more open to doing things within his limited ability. This can be something as simple as taking a drive or people watching at the mall. Going into a drug store and talking to strangers, or doing something that is not focused on the necessity for a long term purpose but necessary for the need of distraction in the moment to relieve the symptoms of his illness.

What’s the point of doing ‘x’?

To bring us a better quality of life. To bring us joy and happiness. To make life worth living.

Not everything has to have financial gain. Not everything has to have some deeper purpose or a significance for the future. Sometimes living in the moment can be just as pertinent and important to our lives (or even more so given individual circumstances) than preparing for the future.

I don’t know if he sees the irony in this. It is sad that this illness has to happen and affect him in this painful way but, to me as a person who always tries to derive meaning from shitty circumstances, it is just another gentle reminder that we can do things simply because we enjoy them. Because they make us happy.

Not every reward in life needs be tied to financial gain in order for us to find happiness and purpose in what we do. You can do things simply because they bring you enjoyment and/or they can also be a distraction from the stress that life can sometimes bring us. It can be a way to restart and recharge.

As an aside, I met a wonderful person last week and we talked about how he entered into a career earlier in life which involved playing a sport that he loved. Now that he has taken on another career and moved past this chapter, he actually hates what he used to love. By the end of it, he said it felt more like a job than a hobby. I think sometimes we should find a variety of things that we enjoy, and sometimes it is not necessary to make money from what we love but keep it for the scarcity of moments that we have for ourselves, which can also build appreciation due to the limited time that we already have have aside from our life priorities.

I told my family member that he’s not alone with his terminal diagnosis. To some degree, we are all terminal. We are not getting out alive. And we don’t know when our time is up. Heck, I could go before him because of unforeseen events that may transpire. So we may as well make the best of our time that we have left, do things that make us feel good and add to the quality of our lives by taking risks to try things we hadn’t had the courage to try before.

I think it’s important to find a balance and not to not jump into things too quickly, but also rather take our time working up the courage to push ourselves to our limits and beyond. Rushing into things can also bring on too much stress and trauma and may be counterintuitive to the desires effect.

Take your time, explore the world and enjoy the moments just because you want to.