Some people compare the first day of autumn with the preparation of facing darkness (shorter days) and, symbolically, facing the darkness within us that is intertwined in the ego within us.
Now I’m not going to get all “spiritual” in this blog, but I wanted to build off this idea of self exploration and related it back to a few experiences I’ve had with individuals in the past. I wanted to highlight my experience of those who I have experienced who have yet to face their ego and, rather, allowed it to control some or all aspects of their lives.
There are a few examples that I wanted to briefly touch on. First is the ego as it relates to perception of rejection.
One individual has been bitter and angry since I decided to end our professional relationship almost 5 years ago. Every so often, he will message me from a fake number with the intention of booking a fake appointment and using racial slurs (not related to my nationality) to somehow negatively influence my mental state. I’m astounded that this individual has enough time in his life (and anger within) to still harbour anger towards me that he would go out of his way to continuously message me from random numbers. The only explanation and conclusion that I have reached in my mind is that he took my decision to end our professional relationship as an insult to his self-worth. I’ve also discovered that this individual has done this to other providers as well (providers - you’re free to message me if you’d like this individual’s information). Fortunately, I know it’s him every time that he messages me and I never fall for his trap.
Making changes to let go of these feelings from our past is ongoing maintenance which requires motivation with self-reflection. Attempting to dim someone’s light will not make ours glow any brighter.
Another example that I wanted to bring up is the ego telling us lies in how we should derive pleasure and, specifically with men, allowing ourselves to let go of control.
One example that I have encountered more frequently is when a man doesn’t allow themselves to enjoy prostate pleasure. I’ve met someone who enjoyed the experience of prostate but was too afraid to admit it after the fact and, therefore, I believe were afraid to face me in the future. I’ve had many experiences of men who don’t allow themselves to relax enough for me to insert my finger inside or even won’t allow themselves to reach climax (penile and prostate or prostate only climax) because they’re caught up in the conflict of their mind between their ego and just letting go.
Some men even experience ego with allowing themselves to receive pleasure, period. Many men who seem to carry, what I perceive to be, insecurities seem to hold themselves to an unrealistic standard of what a man “should” do, say, think and desire. I’ve had experiences where people l try to take control of the session, asking “what’s next?”, “can we do X” outside of my boundaries) or simply cannot relax. I’m typically a good judge of character and tend to connect with only likeminded individuals (those who have read through my website and are desiring what I offer as a novel experience). And some people have expressed that, when they allowed themselves to relax while I was taking control, that they truly enjoyed the moment much more than if they would have given into their primal desires in the moment. Even those seemingly demanding individuals who didn’t get what they desires in the moment still wanted to come back for a second, third or more visit. Sometimes a person doesn’t know what they want or need until they have the opportunity to allow themselves to experience something different.
I’ve had one experience in particular where someone was enjoying the massage, light touch and teasing but he kept pushing me away and pulling me back in physically. I had to encourage him to let go and normalize that it was okay for him to just enjoy each sensation of touch outside of penetrative sex. It was difficult for him to let go and allow himself to experience pleasure, and my verbal reminder was helpful in reminding him that there was nothing shameful or emasculating about it. That particular experience stood out to me for a variety of different eye-opening reasons, which I will talk about in another blog.
Ego death is typically associated with a spiritual awakening, a shift in consciousness and perceptions of time and space. More significant to experiencing ego-free pleasure, individuals describe this experience in Forbes as a loss of control (and surrendering to a state of openness) and shifting a person’s priorities in their lives through reflecting on the experiences that have contributed to the death of their ego.
Let things go, and let things flow. Our ego stops us from enjoying our life to the fullest with the limited time we have on this earth. Face your ego and find out what experiences have shaped these ideologies in our life. Find safe ways to open your perceptions of the world and you will reap the positive benefits of living a happier and fuller life.
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