The Difference in Defining Appreciation

I wrote this blog a few months ago and I wanted to share it with the authenticity of the time - not making any changes. Enjoy.

Last night I had a well spoken and kind person book an appointment for the first time. In the middle of the night, they decided to send me a text, which they thought (and say they meant) as a joke, asking me if I had any senior appreciation month discounts. I felt extremely insulted by this question. As I began to reflect, I realized why my reaction was so strong for something meant as a (half) joke.

First, working in a job that is marginalized, disrespected by some, and feeling objectified by some people (but not all people) is tough. Asking for a discount seems like a slap in the face and a lack of appreciation for the work that I do.

Secondly, most people that give discounts are giving discounts on commodities that they have marked up. If it is a service provider, they may give an introductory rate and discount to the cost of the supplies. Typically, any type of service provider do not devalue the service they provide, and their worth of their time and their labor. In my job, I am giving my body to someone. Massaging them with my strength, making it a very enjoyable, erotic experience. Allowing touching. To agree to a discount of some thing of this nature is devaluing my worth as a person. And to ask for it is even more repulsive. I understand that they probably meant it as a joke, but it was done in poor taste.

My logic is this, if these are the kind of jokes that they make, then I feel very uneasy about meeting them. My response was, “maybe we should reschedule on a month that it isn’t seniors appreciation month. I hold seniors with high regard, but I expect them to do the same for me“.

I believe that appreciation does not always have to be reflected in monetary ways. And if this person is seeing this as valuable, they are not the type of person that will resonate with me. I know this person was trying to be cute and it was made with good intention, but it triggered me to a point of no return. I can be very understanding and empathetic with other's perspectives, but it does not mean I have to accept this person into my life . Also, I interpreted an undertone in that statement as this, "if the discount is not given, then you do not appreciate seniors". To put that kind of guilt trip on someone (intentional or not) felt manipulative. Maybe I’m reading into it too much. And I accept that. Or maybe the person just wasn’t being a sensitive to the issue, given the circumstances. If asking for a discount is a priority to you, perhaps you should be seeking the services.

Ask any provider for discounted rates and I can guarantee you that the response will not be as graceful as mine was, if you’re lucky enough to get a response at all. If someone is giving discounts, then that is their prerogative. It’s all about a person’s own choice. Do you really want to try and coerce someone into devaluing themselves for your own gain?

Think about your audience when you’re speaking or making jokes. If you are looking to connect with a person and build a trusting relationship, think about your audience. Think about their boundaries. On my website is specifically stated that negotiation is not appropriate and this is why other providers respond so strongly when people try negotiating. They’re already charging the least amount they’re comfortable with, without feeling devalued.

There shouldn’t have to be a delegated time to show appreciation to seniors. I show appreciation every day of my life. I practice gratitude, and I show appreciation with my actions. To ask me to take out of my pocket and short myself of my bills and my responsibilities, to prove that I show appreciation is a terrible guilt trip to play on someone. I can show my appreciation by giving you extra time, extra care, which is what I do anyways. Appreciation shouldn’t be contingent on how many visits you have or how much money you spend or what day of the year it is. Appreciation should be shown all day, every day of the year. And that’s the difference.