From an evolutionary psychology perspective, we are primed to focus heavy on the negative for self-protection against any dangers and to keep ourselves safe. Sometimes these psychological mechanisms are maladaptive and we may become too wrapped up in the negativity of the world, leading to mental illness. Typically we are at a high risk for mental health issues when we face negativity that can’t be solved. If we run away from the lion, we have the solved the issue in front of us. However, we may feel helpless when we encounter things that we may feel out of control for, such as a person’s opinion or, in the case of what I’ve been seeing a lot of lately, how a client approaches a provider at first contact or even their opinions in a review board. This can lead to a term which mental health practitioners label as “negativity bias”.
Negativity bias is when we have a cognitive bias towards negative stimuli and therefore will overshadow any positive events. When a negativity bias exists, one’s decision making skills can be clouded affecting competitive advantages in a professional world. It can hold you back from exploring new markets and new opportunities. In the case of this industry, many providers can hinder their ability to expand their business by becoming too focused on the negativity to try new things, such as adding a new service or creating unique content.
I see some providers posting negativity about clients on social media. Some providers are venting about a way in which a review is written, which is subjective anyway, or a client’s message at their first point of contact. It’s one thing to vent and express feelings about a topic but it’s another to vent about something, without any resolution, from an insignificant person. Are they really worth this level of attention?
I know I don’t have control over everyone’s thoughts and feelings. So what can I do to control the situation? Limit exposure to the negativity. Reading these unhealthy thoughts are never helpful nor are they the opportunity for growth. In fact, the more you expose yourself to this negativity, the more addictive it can become. Reminiscing gives these negative people a place to live in your thoughts, to fester and breed further negativity leading to self-doubt, insecurities, anger, anxiety, depression and more. I stay off the review boards entirely and do not pay any attention to negativity from clients. Further, I ignore messages from people that have not taken the time to read through my website, have a poor introduction or include some vulgar questions. I also unfollow people who bring nothing of value or substance to my growth and wellbeing & instead take the positivity away from me. I will never make a post about a personal encounter unless it is twisting it into something for the opportunity for growth. For example, my most recent post spoke about how there isn’t any competition in this industry because we all have our own strength and attributes to contribute to this dynamic field. This was taken from a passive aggressive post that I saw a few weeks back.
I also think that it is important to remember all of those amazing clients that you have had the opportunity to encounter. Those who have given you incredible feedback and expressed gratitude for allowing them to share your time with the grace of your presence. The people who are truly worth keeping at the forefront of your mind and those who you have added quality to each other’s lives. Those who can’t thank you enough for just being you and truly see your value and worth as a person.
I am not suggesting invalidating or ignoring your feelings on topics that bring you pain. Rather I’m providing an alternative perspective to discern between what is worth giving your attention to and what is not, and the potential risks associated with putting too much weight on the former from exposure to negative content. It is sometimes challenging not to be hurt by those in your life that you hold dear - including regular clients that you have established a close relationship. I know - I’ve been there. I’m also not suggesting a toxic positivity perspective where you see everything in the world as sunshine and rainbows. But it’s about finding adaptive ways to prevent the development of a negativity bias developing in your mental schema.
In summary, I think it’s important to take control of your reaction to negativity by:
Ignoring/avoiding the negativity when you can
Feel your feelings about what you encounter
Make a conscious effort not to “camp” in that mindset
Find a way to take that information, transform it into an opportunity for learning and growth
Accept what you encountered and move forward in your life - whether that be continuing to pursue your professional relationship with your client/provider, terminating the relationship or taking a break until you are ready to make a decision.
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